We've not had the best of luck recently with the computer, so I'm happy to say that thanks to our awesome friend Twitch...it's currently working again. I say currently because it's messed up a few times after being fixed haha. Anyways so onto today's entry...
So far getting back into the swing of devotionals has been fairly easy. I'm really liking the format of this book of devotionals, it makes it so much easier! I'm going to go over what I've done for the past two days (yesterday and the day before). I'm writing all of this down in a notebook, and I won't be sharing them here every day I do a devotional. But I think that recalling my devotional multiple times a day really helps them sink in.
November 11th, 2010
Passage - Genesis 3:1-10
Read - check
Think - "How does this passage speak to your situation today?"
I'm reading this passage multiple times to try and get a grasp on it and trying to figure out how it speaks of my situation today. I don't necessarily think anything pertains to today, other than maybe that this passage talks about Eve and Adam eating from the tree of knowledge and knowing good and evil. I've known a lot of both of those things in my life, but my conscious choice to begin devotionals again today is showing me that I'm capable of being "good" and working to deny evil any part of my life. This is part of God's plan to better my life.
Pray - "Take some time to confess those areas where you have deliberately rebelled against God."
This section is about praying, but I think it will be beneficial to me to write my thoughts and prayers down before I verbally pray so here goes...
Lord,
I've never been comfortable praying with other people around, at least not out loud. I'm not sure why I wanted to tell you that, but I did. I'm praying to confess things I know I've done that weren't what you wanted for me, but admitting to doing something wrong is hard. I've learned that a lot this past week when I've been sending out apologies to people. So, I'm getting more used to this "confessing" business.
The first thing that came to mind was cheating and adultery. When Alex and I first separated, I dated around. I kept saying that we were divorced "in my heart" and so it was okay. Though I do believe that divorce is a matter of the heart and not of the law, I wasn't feeling that way in my heart. I got with other guys because I felt alone, hurt, and abandoned and I still loved him. I consider myself an adulterer because of that. I'm sorry. I don't think it's any coincidence that I wasn't able to find my soul mate until after the divorce was final in my heart AND legally.
Sadly, there are so many other times I've rebelled and done things in my lifetime that I know you wouldn't want for me. Drinking excessively, drugs, badmouthing people...even loved ones, and falling away from you and choosing other religions when I was a teenager. But I offer all of these things up to you and ask for your forgiveness. You sent your son to die for my sins and I refuse to let it have all been for nothing. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN.
Live - "Knowing you [...] have rebelled against God, what do you feel?"
Well, for one I feel not so alone. I don't feel that spiritual perfection is reached by many people so I shouldn't feel like a failure when I mess up.
"How does this affect the way you live your life?"
It reminds me that I can be forgiven, so I can (and should) admit to my faults and ask for forgiveness...whether it be from God or friends/family/etc.
"If God knows everything, why did He call out Adam asking 'Where are you?'"
He wants us to be able to admit to our faults and wrongdoing, He doesn't want to force it.
"When are you most tempted to hide?"
Anytime I've done something I know God doesn't want me to do. When I do things to other people that they don't deserve...or things they may "deserve" in my eyes.
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I don't want to type out all of yesterday's but I'll give an overview.
The passage was Genesis 32:22-32 with the extended passage being all of Genesis 32, though I also read 31 and 33. It was the story of Jacob and when his name was made Israel. Anyways so one thing I loved is that I write my prayers down and this "pray" section actually brought up writing them down so that you don't get distracted, love love LOVED that! I prayed about I desperately want from God. Some things I mentioned were a better understanding of yesterday's devotional because there was one question that I couldn't really "get", wanting to know God better because I feel like I'm only in the beginning stages of my faith because of "starting over" after Alex. He jaded me on religion the same way that one of my mom's ex-husbands did. I said that I desperately want more understanding of God, to be blessed in all aspects of my life, to be happy in this life as well as my afterlife. That I desperately long to have the spiritual life I feel I need, to be more comfortable with my spiritual side. And then some mushy things dealing with the love of my life Patrick.
There's my overview (^_^).
There is still some time tonight before bed, especially when there isn't anyone here in the house except me and the kids so it's about devotional time again...g'night!!!
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