Taking steps in the right direction.

Forgiveness isn't always the easiest thing to have towards people, nor is it the easiest thing to ask from people.  I'm taking time out of my life right now to contact people I think I've wronged in the past and ask forgiveness.  I gotta tell you, it takes a lot out of you!  I wrote a couple of people from The Rock who I thought I wrongfully cut out of my life and apologized, I explained what I think I did wrong.  The end of each one made it clear that they didn't have to contact me back, but that either way I wanted to ask their forgiveness.  So far none of those have written me back, but that's okay.  Even if they don't forgive me, asking for forgiveness has started clearing the negative emotions out of my heart and I'm able to forgive myself much easier for things I've done in my past.  The most recent apology was given to my ex-husband.  I didn't apologize for feeling hurt by the way I was treated, I didn't apologize for leaving the relationship...those are things I still feel justified in and have no guilty conscious over.  I did, however, apologize for not always being a good wife and for the hurt I gave him during the relationship.  I also told him to please tell his parents that I apologize to them.  For sometimes taking advantage of his father's good nature, because his father is an amazing man and never deserved one bit of it.  ...and I told him to tell his mom I apologize because I said some pretty nasty things in an e-mail that I sent to her.  I will admit that she also wasn't very nice to me prior to that, but I forgive her for that and I'm not going to hold it against her.  Just because someone doesn't treat you how you think they should, doesn't give you the right to hold it over them and say things back to them out of anger...which is what I did.

All in all this apologizing thing is going well, and that's what matters.  I have a lot more people I want to write to, I just have to pace myself.  Like I said, it may be a nice thing to do and it gets some weight off your shoulders but at the same time it's a hard thing to do and it takes more energy than I had originally thought it would.

I don't think many people read this, but for anyone who does...I have one request.  At some point this week, take a few minutes out to apologize to someone in your life that you've hurt.  You'll brighten their spirit at the same time you brighten your own <3