Day One

It has begun :)
I woke up late and woke to the arrival of our new roommate. His mom was here with him so I didn't want to be rude and not speak to them when I saw them. So I talked to them for a few minutes, talked to PJ for a bit, and now it has begun...silence. Not that everything around me is quiet, but I'm working on getting my mind that way. I'm listening to some praise and worship music along with some amazing celtic music (I am so in love with Celtic Woman) and I'm getting the ball rolling.

It's going to be a long three days (^_^)

Silent Time

Well everyone, it's 3:30am and once I go to bed and wake up it's my silent time. I talked to PJ and decided that not talking to him at all isn't an option I think is going to benefit this. So the final say in this is that I'll talk to him when I wake up for no certain designated amount of time, but just to have our normal morning talk (I love you, Good morning, How did you sleep? What did you dream about?) and then at night when we do that normal talk (I love you, goodnight, sleep well, have good dreams). And if I want to tell him that I love him in the middle of the day, well that's okay too as long as it doesn't turn into a big conversation where I get distracted from my goal. I also prayed about it and have felt God tell me that getting rid of the internet completely isn't necessary that it's about getting away from the distracting parts...like Facebook. So I'm going to use the computer, but for the purpose of blogging, reading things about religion, and listening to sermons and whatnot online. Not for Facebook, not for WoW (yes, I've been playing World of Warcraft...), nope none of that!

This is going to be tough.

But I think having quiet time with oneself is really essential. I also think it's going to give me some time to connect more with God and really get my spirit aligned with where it needs to be.

So here we go, I'm off to sleepyland here in about five minutes :)

How are you starting off your new spiritual year?

There are many ways that you can start off your year to try and get back on track spiritually or to just start this year on a positive foot. I started mine by listening/watching online sermons and I'm going to be having a few days of silence.

I've thought a lot about how to go about this whole silence-vow thing and I've prayed about it every night and I'm happy to say that I've come to a final decision. I will be starting my silence on Wednesday. I plan to stay silent Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. This may carry on to Saturday, but I'm not making that choice right now, we'll see what God has to say on Friday about it haha. I decided to stop trying to be so strict on myself with "I will talk to PJ for one hour in the morning and once at night," as I had previously talked about. Instead, I'm just remaining silent. I won't be getting online, I won't be answering my phone unless it seems like something extremely important (like a number I don't know, which could be about a job). I *will* be checking my texts, but I won't be responding to them unless they're an emergency. I *will* be checking my voicemails, but I won't be responding unless it's an emergency. I'll respond to all of them after my silent time, but not during or before.

Now, this is just the way I want to start my year. I don't think this is necessarily what is best for everyone else's spiritual journeys. Other options are out there. One that I really suggest for anyone who is up for it is a Daniel Fast. The diet you eat during a Daniel Fast is very similar to veganism with adding in no sugars and no processed things like white flour and white rice. They typically last for 21 days, though you can do one for any amount of time you feel is being put on your heart. The blogged I linked on the "Daniel Fast" text outlines everything that it entails, and if you have the money and want to I highly suggest her book "The Daniel Fast." I own it, and it's great.

So maybe fasting isn't for you.
There are even more options. You could begin doing devotionals, decide to do a "read the bible in a year" program, start regularly attending a church, etc etc.

And you may choose not to do anything new! It's all about personal choice because faith is an extremely personal thing and no one can tell what is best for your life. But I just find something empowering about starting the new year off doing something to "mark the occasion."

Hope you all are still having a wonderful new year, and a wonderful Sunday!
Off to watch today's live broadcast (in 20 minutes) of the sermon at Champions Centre because I missed church this morning (long story).

Getting Married/Getting Back on Track/Silence

First things first:
Guess who's getting MARRIED?! *jumps up and down* ME ME ME! PJ proposed to me on Christmas!! More to come on that subject, but I have something on my heart I want to share...

Things have been kind of here and there for the past few weeks. I haven't been doing my devotionals, and because of either snow or being out of town I also haven't been at church. The first thing that made me realize I need to get my behind back on track was a couple of weeks or so ago when PJ and I were eating lunch. I don't know what sparked it, but out of nowhere he looked at me and asked, "Have you been doing your devotionals?" I did a kind of timid looking face and admitted that no, I hadn't. "Well...you need to get on that." Since he doesn't do devotionals I wasn't sure why it seemed like such a big deal until I asked why. "Doing them made you happy, and I want you to be happy." He was right, as he almost always is. So that's what I'm starting with as soon as we can get back to the house (we were having electrical issues so we stayed at a friend's house tonight). Back to devotionals and *thank God* back to church. I've missed church, I haven't been skipping it because of wanting to. I've been skipping it because I've not been anywhere I could go. For two Sundays we were snowed into our house, and then we were with his family in Jacksonville and I was just so engrossed in being with family that I didn't go. Plus I found out some unsettling things about the church we attended the last time we were there...but that's not something I need to go into right now.

Anyways so tomorrow it's back to devotionals. I've also been praying about the silence I'm feeling I need in my life. So far my plan is that January 3rd through January 8th I will be taking my silent time. That is from a Monday until a Saturday. Here will be the exceptions to the silence:

1 - I can speak while out job hunting, because I really need to find work.

2 - I can speak with my fiancée for one hour during the morning, and one hour at night, this has a condition of if something is extremely important that needs to be discussed.

3 - I will not be using the internet *or* answering the phone/text messages. The exception is if the number that is calling is one I don't recognize and therefore may be something related to getting a job. I haven't decided yet, but I may allow myself to check voicemails once at night...I'm still praying over that one.

4 - I may or may not also be choosing to not watch any TV/movies, and instead opt to read. I'm leaning towards doing this (no TV), another one I'm praying about.

I think that's about it. I'm still praying about it and will be up until the time it begins. I can't believe I'm doing this, and I've had two people say so far that basically they don't think I'm going to be able to do it. But that's half of the point, doing something that's hard and working my way through it. The other half is learning to enjoy the silence (not always feel a need to fill it), learning to enjoy time without technology, and having time with God.

Whew.

So next post, hopefully tomorrow...if I'm around a computer, will be some more details about my very recent engagement (^_^).

Later folks!!!

Looking at yourself is the hard part.

Looking at yourself in the eyes of someone else can be a hard task. Today I learned that it may be easier to just ask those people their honest opinion of you, and if you believe that they can...for them to hold you accountable. Earlier today I was talking to PJ's mom and long story short, something about it being hypocritical to go to church and then curse outside of there got brought up by her. I admit that I sometimes have a sailor mouth, but I've always tried to only talk that way in front of what I considered "appropriate adult company." When she said this I, at first, felt hurt. I felt that I was being called a hypocrite and I got extremely upset. However, it was the moments I had by myself after the conversation that got me the most upset. I was laying in the bed, almost in tears, and then it hit me...I'm being hypocritical. There, I said it and it gets easier to say each time. I think that everyone has their faults, everyone has their sin that they choose to justify in some way or another. Sadly, that's human nature. That doesn't mean that we should just let it go though, we should always be striving to be the best people that we can be. I'm not saying that everyone who curses is a bad person. I'm not saying everyone who does this thing or that one is a bad person, because I believe that deep down everyone is GOOD. However, I don't want to be a hypocrite. Here I am, trying to live the best life that I can and trying to work on being more Christ-like (since that's the definition of being a Christian), I'm trying to become a youth minister. Yet I couldn't even see my own fault, it took someone else bringing it up.

I want to live a life that makes others see the renewel of myself and my spirit that I've found through following God. Today I realized that there is yet another thing that I could be doing better with in my life, and that means that it's yet another thing I'm going to strive to change. I can do all things through Christ, right? This is just another one of those things. I especially feel bad about this one though since I'm (still) reading the book UnChristian which goes over this very same situation...being a hypocrite. I need to finish this book already (>_<)

I'd also like to bring up something that has been on my heart the past two or three days. Something I read in UnChristian is that one of the first things that should be transformed in a life following Christ is our thoughts. Thoughts encourage actions, so bad thoughts encourage bad actions. I had never really...well...thought about that until I read it. My thought process is very different than it was before I recommitted my life to God, but I know some things that I could change with that. I think that part of what makes it hard is that most people, myself included, don't spend enough time with just their thoughts on a daily basis. Not just not talking, but just...having quiet. No computers, no cell phones, no...anything.

With this I am feeling more and more compelled to take a temporary vow of silence so that I can spend that time with my thoughts. It may sound extreme, and it's definitely nothing I can honestly say I want to do, but it's something that I think I may need to do. When I say temporary I mean for maybe 3 days or so. I'm thinking it may be better to go for a week, but I'm going to pray about it and see what God speaks to my heart. I need to work on getting another job while my other one reopens (we're changing locations) so I can't do anything too long term because I can't let it effect my job search. Right now I'm really being led to three days. Three days with no talking, no computer, no cell phones. I may have an hour or so everyday that I let myself have "off" so that I can spend time talking with PJ about anything and everything...like how much I love him...but that's about it :).

We'll see I guess...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
You all have a blessed day tomorrow :)