So much going on!

Wow everyone, so I'm extremely sorry about not updating more but things have been kind of crazy. I'm going to try and go over everything happening in my life, though not going into ALL of it...yet :).

First things first, the snow has been off and on so the "off" time has given me a chance to spend more time with the Faithbridge youth at my church. I found out I have common friends with a couple of them and I am getting along great with all of them from what I can tell. I finally was able to make it to a Sunday youth meeting last week, and it was great. We chatted over lasagna and then worked on Kyle's series about "working out." Had some great acoustic worship and I just see God wanting to do amazing things in the lives of these kids.

PJ and I have also joined a blended families small group through Faithbridge. It's hard being that kind of family, with me having children from a previous marriage. We missed the first meeting due to other circumstances, but today is the second meeting and so I can't wait to try and dig a car out of the snow and head over :). We're reading a book about step-families. It's going to be nice to be around people who can understand your situation. I've been in churches where if you were divorced, no matter what the reason (physical or emotional abuse, adultery, etc) you were treated like the scum of the earth. So glad my church is amazing and doesn't treat people that way!! Living as a blended family has it's own unique challenges and I'm happy to see a group addressing those challenges with full force.

PJ and I are also taking the Connecting with Faithbridge class, which is a 6 week class. It ends with us being able to decide to become official members. Well of course we already planned on doing that, so this is just a chance for fellowship and to learn more about our church. It's great seeing the different walks of life that people are coming from and being led to this church. I love it!!

Whew so last thing, on the job front. My friend had me turn in an application yesterday to work full-time at his convenience store. Not the most cushy job in the world, but when you need work you take what you can get! He hasn't called me yet about what hours I'll be having, so I'm still waiting on that. If by some chance he doesn't call...which would be odd...I have other options right now. I have an application in at a factory in Mountain City and that seems promising even though they won't be calling me back for at least another week or so according to the woman I spoke to.

The job I am really praying over, and everyone pray for me about it, is the job I applied for at Samaritan's Purse. It's basically similar to secretarial work and I want this job really bad. It could open doors for me to work more with Christian based services and better job positions.

Well everyone that's it for now, hope everyone is doing well :)

Everyone worships differently.

After talking with a friend yesterday I've been thinking a lot about worship. It's amazing how everyone worships differently and how each way is so amazing! Whether you choose to sit during worship and pray, raise your hands in the air in praise, dance, paint, sing OR not sing...it's amazing. We all lift up our talents and love to God and it's so beautiful. I'm learning more and more everyday to really value each person for what they bring to the proverbial "table" whether it be good or bad, because God has a plan for everyone and everyone is in your life for a reason. Your past molds your future. And with this respect for different ways of worship, I've thought more about those who aren't tolerant of other people's way of worshiping. In some churches you would be looked at with a glare if you were to stand and raise your hands to God and praise him, or heaven forbid you danced! At other places you're made to feel awkward if you DON'T do those things.

Everyone should be respected and loved for their individuality and bracing that individuality!

Touching Base

I have a lot of things I want to post blogs about, but I'm about to go to bed. I realized I haven't posted in almost a week, so I wanted to at least make a post to touch base and say I'M STILL HERE :D.

I had never seen the official music video of the song "The Lost Get Found" by Britt Nicole and just saw it on YouTube. I encourage everyone to watch this video. It really makes you think even more about the lyrics and makes you want to get out and do something!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO2prEoATH8

Day One...Again

Okay well today marks day one of my three days of silence...again. I've been praying about this like crazy for the past few days and I have all confidence in myself and God that I can do this. I've been reading my book again, unchristian by David Kinnaman. I was reading it intermittently, but I hadn't been making a point in my life to finish it. Now it's time for devotionals! Wish me luck everyone :)

Champions Centre Notes 1/9/2011

I want to thank my friend Demetria for sending me a copy of her notes from today's sermon. I accidentally closed the window and lost all of mine :(

___________________________________________________
If you have struggles: Read Romans 8:31
"If God is for [it] nothing will be against [it]."

Early Church: Act 2:46-47
God keeps adding to the church. Thank him for the favors.

**Help CC in 2011**
1. Be a bringer.
2. Reach out to people using social networking.
3. Inform people through our media.
4. Giving- partner with us in giving financially.

No matter what we do, finances are a tool of trade.

Forces That Form Your Future Part 2
My future is not something that happens to me, but it is something that happens through me.
Galatians 4:8-9, 18-19

Which thoughts, actions, etc keep me in God's plan/path?
Don't go back to old ways; find new ways to live your life.

Everyone is sowing something today that will show up in the form of a harvest tomorrow-- Galatians 6:7
--Teach your kids how to learn God.
--We can make our life better.
--Everything you need for a better future is in your life today, waiting for you to recognize it.

2 Kings 4:1-2
--We always have something we can use to create more.
--We have something in our life that God has given us to make our future better. We all have a seed to sow.

The Force of a Belief
--We all have opinions. We all have a Belief System (BS).
--No amount of good in your heart can make up for bad in your head.
--Ask God for a Belief System based around what God says is good and what God says is right.

Become what you believe-- Matthew 9:29

Different beliefs don't cause people to see different things; they cause
people to see the same things differently.
--Every losing team can be champions. (ex . football team)
--You will never overcome if you say you can't.
--Beliefs form and shape your future

:( Day Two :(

Day two of silence has been going...non-existent. I'm learning that not talking while living with a house full of people, looking for work, and having PJ's parents coming tomorrow just isn't working. But does anyone remember what I said in my blog entry about new years resolutions? Just because you don't follow your resolution for a day or two is no reason to completely give up, and I will not give up.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I haven't been going about this silence thing in the way I originally planned. I wanted to use it as a time of spiritual growth and instead treated it as something I punished myself to do. I'm going to give myself the rest of the weekend to get my head on straight with this and try again. I want to do this and I feel God pressing it deeply into my heart, so starting Monday it's attempt number two. I CAN DO THIS.

Day One

It has begun :)
I woke up late and woke to the arrival of our new roommate. His mom was here with him so I didn't want to be rude and not speak to them when I saw them. So I talked to them for a few minutes, talked to PJ for a bit, and now it has begun...silence. Not that everything around me is quiet, but I'm working on getting my mind that way. I'm listening to some praise and worship music along with some amazing celtic music (I am so in love with Celtic Woman) and I'm getting the ball rolling.

It's going to be a long three days (^_^)

Silent Time

Well everyone, it's 3:30am and once I go to bed and wake up it's my silent time. I talked to PJ and decided that not talking to him at all isn't an option I think is going to benefit this. So the final say in this is that I'll talk to him when I wake up for no certain designated amount of time, but just to have our normal morning talk (I love you, Good morning, How did you sleep? What did you dream about?) and then at night when we do that normal talk (I love you, goodnight, sleep well, have good dreams). And if I want to tell him that I love him in the middle of the day, well that's okay too as long as it doesn't turn into a big conversation where I get distracted from my goal. I also prayed about it and have felt God tell me that getting rid of the internet completely isn't necessary that it's about getting away from the distracting parts...like Facebook. So I'm going to use the computer, but for the purpose of blogging, reading things about religion, and listening to sermons and whatnot online. Not for Facebook, not for WoW (yes, I've been playing World of Warcraft...), nope none of that!

This is going to be tough.

But I think having quiet time with oneself is really essential. I also think it's going to give me some time to connect more with God and really get my spirit aligned with where it needs to be.

So here we go, I'm off to sleepyland here in about five minutes :)

This shouldn't happen.

I was on the phone with my dad today (YAY!!!!) and I was so disheartened by what he told me. We were talking about my whole goal of youth ministry and we started talking about experiences in churches. He told me that he used to go to this one church near my uncle's house (I went there with him once) and that one day he went in and was in a sweater and khakis. Now I have to tell you, I don't see an issue here. Apparently the pastor DID. Before the service even started, the pastor took him outside and informed him that he wasn't in proper attire for church.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
God sees me dancing around in my underwear singing praise and worship music, so I think he's completely ok with me sitting in church in jeans. Heck, my dad wasn't even in jeans...he was in a nice sweater and khakis.

You never know the reason someone is in church. Maybe they're having a really awful situation and they need to have fellowship and spend some time with God. Maybe that day is the day that could lead to their salvation. You don't know someone else's life circumstances unless they tell you. So why push people away?

It's because too many churches are worried about appearances and not focused on being Christ-like. They want to be "proper." I find nothing proper about forcing someone into a situation that makes them uncomfortable just so that they can fit into your own mold of what a Christian "should" be. We hear it preached that God knows our hearts, and the "judge not lest you be judged" yet there are still people out there that believe it to be their duty to tell others how they can and cannot worship and find a relationship with God.

I'm not saying you shouldn't dress up for church. If that's what you feel most comfortable being there in, then do it! But don't judge another just because s/he comes in wearing jeans.

Notes on Champions Centre's "Forces that form your future" message 1/2/2011

I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I would be listening to the live stream broadcast of the Champion Centre today because I missed church. I asked people to watch with me if they wanted to. If anyone did, or didn't, I'm posting the notes that I took on the message. It's an amazing message and I'll be watching again next week and encourage everyone else to as well!


----------------------------------------------
January 2, 2011- Champions Centre
Title of series : Forces that form your future


Jeremiah 29:11-14 (opening video for service)
*missing title of first song, but it was a Hillsong United song*
Chris Tomlin - Everlasting God


Life isn't somethin that happens *to* you.
Life is something that happens *through* you.


We use information as a novelty instead of mastering it as life-changing information. We google search, find out what we need to know, and move on. Instead we should take the things that could change our lives, and commit it to our memory and use it to better our lives. If you commit that to memory it can change your life. It becomes second-nature, you can do it in your sleep instead of having to consciously think about it each time.


Galations 4:8-9, 18-19
The forces that shaped your life until now, and the forces that can shape your future. Becoming a Christian, being Christ-like, isn't born in a moment. It's developed. Christ-likeness is formed and developed. Day by day, habit by habit, word by word, thought by thought. Hopefully you're more Christ-like today than you were 5 years ago, and 5 years from now you'll be more so than you are today.


1. God has a great plan for our lives.
~ Jeremiah 29:11 "'I know the plan I have for you,' declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Is this your reality? Do you feel hope for your future? Or do you feel hopelessness?
~ Story about man going to banquet, was happy to get an invitation. When he arrived there was a sword suspended from a thing string hanging over his head. He was worried it would fall on him. The man feared the future so much that he wasn't able to enjoy the presence.
~ I'm here! Apprehention, negative forcasts, speculation about the future, things we see in the headlines or hear about on the news...we decide right now to not allow the "what if this happens" kind of stuff to rob us of the joy of being at the banquet table of life. I believe it and I receive it, God has a plan for me to prosper. I'm going to reject every other idea and fear that comes my way. He has good things in mind for me, my life, and my future.


2. If we are going to live the will of God, we have to partner with God everyday.
~ Deuteronomy 29:29
~ Secret things are the things that are unexpected. The circumstances you don't plan for. The unplanned things of our lives. The "lightening bolts" of life.
~ Revealed things are things in books, things you can hear being taught, an experience you've gained. Things you have gained knowledge and experience in,
~ Imagine God saying "I'll handle this" about the "secret things". You ask God why it's happening, and God doesn't respond. "What did I do wrong?" and he says, "Don't worry. Trust me. This is not for you. Give it up. Let it GO." No God TELL ME, "No." Why? "Because I said so." Because it's a secret thing.
~ Now imagine things that are revealed things. Things that could have been different. Imagine God pushing those things across the table to you. What do you mean, what am I supposed to do? God will you put some money in my bank? God why not bless me? and God says, "I gave you a brain, I brought information and education your directions. I gave you hands. What're you doing on the couch?" God, do something! "You do something."
~ We're not helpless, we are NOT powerless.
~ This is your life, live it.
~ What we often do is someone asks us a legitimate question like "what is your plan for 2011?" I don't know...whatever God wants. The monkey's not on MY back, it's whatever God wants. What are you doing to make a difference, to be a salt and light of the Earth? What are you doing to make your life matter? Umm...waiting on the Lord. You act powerless.
~ I am not powerless. My monkey. The monkey should be on your own back. Accept that monkey (haha!!)
~ Become accountable for your life, become accountable to people in your life.
(personal note: Find an accountability partner, or three.)
~ No more blaming.


3. The nature and quality of my life comes within me.
~ Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
~ Matthew 12:35
"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him..."
~ Get better things in your heart to have a better life.
~ Your future is not in a horoscope or the stars. The future is in your HEART. You determine your future by the content of your HEART. It comes from the nature and quality of our life.
~ Philippians 2:13
"It is god who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
~ Maybe you had a fight with your husband and went off on him and you walked away and God said..."How's that working for you. Is that getting you where you want to go? You've learned differently from that." You have to drop the attitude, it's not going to work for you.
~ This message creates ownership. But it's the truth, and the truth shall set you free. (quote from pastor)
~ He works IN you. In the moments of quietness. While you're driving down the road. While you're walking around after you said something you regret. Don't be one of those people looking for someone to pray for you and over you, he works IN you. Why does he work in you? To will and act according to his good purpose. He's moving and directing you.
~ God why am I here again, it's the 34th time? Same spot, 34 other times. What are you going to do about it God? You gotta do something God. "All 34 times I spoke to you and said it's time to make a change and here we are again. It's not because I want you here, it's because you chose to continue to think like you've been thinking and talk like you've been talking...doing what you've been doing. I've talked to you and said get up there's another way. A higher way. Embrace it, receive it. It's my way and my will and all 34 times you said you would just be different...NEXT TIME."
~ One ship sails east and another west. While the same breezes blow. It's the set of the sail and not the wind that determines where it will go. So it is with our lives. It's the set of the sail of our hearts that determines where we will go. No matter how the wind blows, if you get this if you embrace this you will stay the course! No matter what wind blows in your life! You will stay on course with god's will and good plan. You'll go from victory to victory. No weapon will prosper!! The quality and nature of the life doesn't depend on the wind and where it blows, but from within yourself.


NEXT WEEK: The 9 forces.
Ask yourself, "How different would my life be..."
if my seeds were sown different?
if my beliefs had been different?
if my relationships had been different?
if my habits had been different?
if my dreams had been different?
if my thoughts had been different?
if my feelings had been different?
if my personal values had been different?
if my words had been different?

How are you starting off your new spiritual year?

There are many ways that you can start off your year to try and get back on track spiritually or to just start this year on a positive foot. I started mine by listening/watching online sermons and I'm going to be having a few days of silence.

I've thought a lot about how to go about this whole silence-vow thing and I've prayed about it every night and I'm happy to say that I've come to a final decision. I will be starting my silence on Wednesday. I plan to stay silent Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. This may carry on to Saturday, but I'm not making that choice right now, we'll see what God has to say on Friday about it haha. I decided to stop trying to be so strict on myself with "I will talk to PJ for one hour in the morning and once at night," as I had previously talked about. Instead, I'm just remaining silent. I won't be getting online, I won't be answering my phone unless it seems like something extremely important (like a number I don't know, which could be about a job). I *will* be checking my texts, but I won't be responding to them unless they're an emergency. I *will* be checking my voicemails, but I won't be responding unless it's an emergency. I'll respond to all of them after my silent time, but not during or before.

Now, this is just the way I want to start my year. I don't think this is necessarily what is best for everyone else's spiritual journeys. Other options are out there. One that I really suggest for anyone who is up for it is a Daniel Fast. The diet you eat during a Daniel Fast is very similar to veganism with adding in no sugars and no processed things like white flour and white rice. They typically last for 21 days, though you can do one for any amount of time you feel is being put on your heart. The blogged I linked on the "Daniel Fast" text outlines everything that it entails, and if you have the money and want to I highly suggest her book "The Daniel Fast." I own it, and it's great.

So maybe fasting isn't for you.
There are even more options. You could begin doing devotionals, decide to do a "read the bible in a year" program, start regularly attending a church, etc etc.

And you may choose not to do anything new! It's all about personal choice because faith is an extremely personal thing and no one can tell what is best for your life. But I just find something empowering about starting the new year off doing something to "mark the occasion."

Hope you all are still having a wonderful new year, and a wonderful Sunday!
Off to watch today's live broadcast (in 20 minutes) of the sermon at Champions Centre because I missed church this morning (long story).

Pastor Chris from The Rock Church (Asheville)

I spent my New Years morning watching some sermons online. I'll post about some of them later, but I wanted to share the ones I especially loved. As I've said in past posts, I used to go to a church in Asheville called The Rock. It's an amazing church and I miss going there. The youth pastor there is named Chris Stapleton, but to us he was Pastopher. I'm not saying I don't like the head pastor at The Rock, because I do...pastor Kirk Bowman is a great man and I really have enjoyed his sermons. But I've always been extra partial to Pastopher's because of his ability to seamlessly mix comedy into his message. He would make an extremely good comedian, there have been times I laughed myself to tears listening to his message...all while getting some great information and feeling the passion for God.

Today I watched a few of his messages that I could find on YouTube, so I wanted to share them with everyone. Not all of them are religious messages, but they're all amazing anyways. I encourage anyone to check them out, even if you don't usually enjoy listening/watching sermons (^_^).

* Reclaiming the word "Love"
* Jesus and the Kool-Aid Man
* Sca[r]y Movies


I also enjoy the music at The Rock. As I've said a bazillion times at this point, I really feel God speak to me through music. It was the warm welcoming at The Rock paired with the music and the message from Pastor Kirk that got me hooked. I decided to watch a few videos of their music while I was on YouTube. I wish there were more to really give you the feel of the atmosphere there, but still...check these out!

* Livin' On A Prayer
* Airplanes


Well folks, I know this page is mostly just links...but they're all worth checking out :). Hope everyone had a good New Year's Day!

Deliverance Bible Church

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUlWs7gHzfw
This is the link to *THE* video that convinced me I was meant to be a youth minister. I knew that I had a calling from God, but I felt really concerned when I couldn't find a local-ish seminary that was okay with my tattoos and piercings. I posted on http://www.christianforums.com in the youth ministry section asking people what they thought of the whole youth ministry to the alternative community. Some comments were negative, others were...even more negative. But there were a few lights in the fog that told me that they liked the idea and then there was one...the one who kept me positive about things...

I don't know what his username on there is now because I know he changed it, but it was Jester back then. He was a disabled youth minister and he posted a link to the above video. My life was changed.

Watch it. Take it in. Pass it on.

New Years Resolutions

New Years is always an interesting time.

People reflect on the past year and make resolutions to improve in the new one. I'm happy to say I have always kept my resolutions, but part of that is that I always make ones that I'm extremely confident that I can keep. I also make ones that are specific, because it's easier to keep track of ones like that compared to ones that are broad and somewhat open-ended. I have to say that most people I know don't keep their resolutions. Everyone goes into the year with good intentions, but there's always a reason that they don't pan out. Part of that is that you have be realistic and learn to forgive yourself. I feel like being realistic with yourself and your resolutions is key to keeping them.

Be realistic.
Are you actually going to the gym enough times every week/month of the year to justify that gym membership you're going to paying for?
Are you actually going to give up 100% of sweets? You're not going to sneak a peanut butter cup even ONCE?
Are you actually going to read the Bible every single day? EVERY.SINGLE.DAY?

Probably not.
But that doesn't mean that the moment you mess up that you should give up your resolution completely. That's right, I'm calling people out here. Most people I know who give up on resolutions do so because they messed up one time...
"I missed going to the gym the past two days, I should just stay home today too."
"Well, I ate a piece of candy...might as well go buy a whole bag and pig out."
"I haven't read my Bible in like two weeks...screw it."

If you want to keep resolutions, you can't beat yourself when you mess up. The point of a resolution isn't to obtain perfection. The point of a resolution is to make a conscious effort to better yourself about something you feel you need to work on. Here's something you have to just accept: At some point you are probably going to do something you made a resolution you wouldn't do.

Remember how I said I always keep my resolutions? That doesn't mean that every second of every day I lived up to them. It means that at the end of the year I felt that I accomplished my goal of doing better with "x" and that I felt I created good habits that I can keep in the long term. "Keeping" a resolution is a personal thing. Maybe you didn't go to the gym like you wanted...but you lost 15 pounds and gained some muscle definition. Sure you didn't "keep" your resolution to about going to the gym, but you achieved your goal for going to the gym. You kept your resolution. If you made a goal to go to the gym and eat better you were more than likely trying to lose weight or gain muscle/muscle definition. Maybe that's not what you wrote down, but it was your real objective.

I don't know, I guess my point is to not be too hard on yourself this upcoming year.

That's my personal resolution, not to be too hard on myself. Sometimes I won't keep up with my devotionals the way I want to. Sometimes I'm not going to eat the healthiest or exercise. Sometimes I'm not going to have the clearest complexion. Sometimes I'm going to make an absolute fool of myself in public. And sometimes I'm going to want to be so self-critical that in the past I would have ended the day in tears.

But that was in the past.
This year, I resolve to not be so hard on myself!
What's your resolution?

Comment to this...

Just earlier I mentioned that I have had more and more people checking out my blog, and I'm happy (and taken back) to say that since that post this blog has exceeded 200 hits! You guys are amazing.

To mark this milestone, I want to pose a question to anyone who reads this...
What is it that draws you in to read this?

I'm wanting some honest input and feedback on this. Even if you're reading because of a potentially negative reason, I want to hear about it. I have changed it so that people seeing this may comment anonymously...so feel free to say whatever is on your mind. Also, if you would like me to continue to leave anonymous commenting on so that you can leave comments on future posts, let me know that :). I'm completely comfortable with that as long as no one abuses that and is downright mean on here.

Thanks everyone!!


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EDIT:
Thank you for the messages I got on Facebook. No one commented here, but I got a couple of public comments and a couple of PMs on FB :)

Details Details Details

I want to take a moment out at the beginning of this post to say Thank You to those of you who are reading this. I have no idea who most of you are, but I know that I went from hitting one hundred views after having this almost a month to having almost another one hundred in just the past week or so. Viewing is growing exponentially and that's thanks to YOU. I'm sure some of you are friends, and I love you all so much!!!

Now onto the promised details of my wedding :).

PJ and I have discussed it and we will be having a ceremony on September 13th of this upcoming year. The assistant pastor at my church, who I lovingly refer to as Miss Tracey, has already told us that she can head over that ceremony. I'm really hoping that our church that is being built will be up and running before then (it's supposed to be up around August) so that we can have our ceremony at the church. We don't know many details yet, but at least we already have a date set so we know how long we have to plan. I don't think either of us want anything super extravagant, just something small and geeky will do great for us haha. That's right, geeky! We really want to be able to put that element of ourselves into the wedding. We have a few ideas up our sleeves, but nothing on that is final since we're obviously in the very early stages of planning. We may still end up having the wedding in Jacksonville, but we really do adore Boone and this is where our home church is...so we'll see how this all ends up panning out lol. Look forward in the upcoming months for us setting up a wedding website on http://www.ewedding.com to keep everyone up to date with our plans. September seems so close, but at the same time seems so far in the distance. I'm so excited!!! I love him so much, and I'm happy we're taking this step in our relationship to have a ceremony our friends and family can share with us to celebrate that love. It's going to be epic haha.

In other news in my life, I wanted to bring up that I found my dad! For anyone who is unfamiliar with the situation...

My dad and I have been kind of off and on over the course of my life. I've lived with him a couple of times, but we always end up somehow losing contact. One time it was because I chose to not speak to him, for personal reasons I'd rather not discuss here, and then this most recent time was because he moved and I lost the only phone number I had for him. By "lost" I mean that I broke my cell phone and the number was in it. I missed him, my brother, and my step-mother dearly (technically my ex-step-mom, but I love her just the same as if they had never divorced) and I had searched for my brother on facebook multiple times. Well, somehow in that I managed to miss seeing his profile. He's had it since August, but I never saw it! I swear I looked up his name at least once every other week and just didn't find the profile. The good news is though, that I found him! In fact, I found him on Christmas Day (the day before his 18th birthday)...What an amazing Christmas I had!!! Now we're texting every day and staying in close contact. I can't wait to see him again and also to meet his lovely girlfriend. I haven't heard all that much about her, but he has been with her almost two years and they're very in love from what I can tell. I'm so happy for him :).

Whew, so I'm going to go and watch PJ play some video games and just relax. I hope you all have a great day!!!

Getting Married/Getting Back on Track/Silence

First things first:
Guess who's getting MARRIED?! *jumps up and down* ME ME ME! PJ proposed to me on Christmas!! More to come on that subject, but I have something on my heart I want to share...

Things have been kind of here and there for the past few weeks. I haven't been doing my devotionals, and because of either snow or being out of town I also haven't been at church. The first thing that made me realize I need to get my behind back on track was a couple of weeks or so ago when PJ and I were eating lunch. I don't know what sparked it, but out of nowhere he looked at me and asked, "Have you been doing your devotionals?" I did a kind of timid looking face and admitted that no, I hadn't. "Well...you need to get on that." Since he doesn't do devotionals I wasn't sure why it seemed like such a big deal until I asked why. "Doing them made you happy, and I want you to be happy." He was right, as he almost always is. So that's what I'm starting with as soon as we can get back to the house (we were having electrical issues so we stayed at a friend's house tonight). Back to devotionals and *thank God* back to church. I've missed church, I haven't been skipping it because of wanting to. I've been skipping it because I've not been anywhere I could go. For two Sundays we were snowed into our house, and then we were with his family in Jacksonville and I was just so engrossed in being with family that I didn't go. Plus I found out some unsettling things about the church we attended the last time we were there...but that's not something I need to go into right now.

Anyways so tomorrow it's back to devotionals. I've also been praying about the silence I'm feeling I need in my life. So far my plan is that January 3rd through January 8th I will be taking my silent time. That is from a Monday until a Saturday. Here will be the exceptions to the silence:

1 - I can speak while out job hunting, because I really need to find work.

2 - I can speak with my fiancée for one hour during the morning, and one hour at night, this has a condition of if something is extremely important that needs to be discussed.

3 - I will not be using the internet *or* answering the phone/text messages. The exception is if the number that is calling is one I don't recognize and therefore may be something related to getting a job. I haven't decided yet, but I may allow myself to check voicemails once at night...I'm still praying over that one.

4 - I may or may not also be choosing to not watch any TV/movies, and instead opt to read. I'm leaning towards doing this (no TV), another one I'm praying about.

I think that's about it. I'm still praying about it and will be up until the time it begins. I can't believe I'm doing this, and I've had two people say so far that basically they don't think I'm going to be able to do it. But that's half of the point, doing something that's hard and working my way through it. The other half is learning to enjoy the silence (not always feel a need to fill it), learning to enjoy time without technology, and having time with God.

Whew.

So next post, hopefully tomorrow...if I'm around a computer, will be some more details about my very recent engagement (^_^).

Later folks!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Looking at yourself is the hard part.

Looking at yourself in the eyes of someone else can be a hard task. Today I learned that it may be easier to just ask those people their honest opinion of you, and if you believe that they can...for them to hold you accountable. Earlier today I was talking to PJ's mom and long story short, something about it being hypocritical to go to church and then curse outside of there got brought up by her. I admit that I sometimes have a sailor mouth, but I've always tried to only talk that way in front of what I considered "appropriate adult company." When she said this I, at first, felt hurt. I felt that I was being called a hypocrite and I got extremely upset. However, it was the moments I had by myself after the conversation that got me the most upset. I was laying in the bed, almost in tears, and then it hit me...I'm being hypocritical. There, I said it and it gets easier to say each time. I think that everyone has their faults, everyone has their sin that they choose to justify in some way or another. Sadly, that's human nature. That doesn't mean that we should just let it go though, we should always be striving to be the best people that we can be. I'm not saying that everyone who curses is a bad person. I'm not saying everyone who does this thing or that one is a bad person, because I believe that deep down everyone is GOOD. However, I don't want to be a hypocrite. Here I am, trying to live the best life that I can and trying to work on being more Christ-like (since that's the definition of being a Christian), I'm trying to become a youth minister. Yet I couldn't even see my own fault, it took someone else bringing it up.

I want to live a life that makes others see the renewel of myself and my spirit that I've found through following God. Today I realized that there is yet another thing that I could be doing better with in my life, and that means that it's yet another thing I'm going to strive to change. I can do all things through Christ, right? This is just another one of those things. I especially feel bad about this one though since I'm (still) reading the book UnChristian which goes over this very same situation...being a hypocrite. I need to finish this book already (>_<)

I'd also like to bring up something that has been on my heart the past two or three days. Something I read in UnChristian is that one of the first things that should be transformed in a life following Christ is our thoughts. Thoughts encourage actions, so bad thoughts encourage bad actions. I had never really...well...thought about that until I read it. My thought process is very different than it was before I recommitted my life to God, but I know some things that I could change with that. I think that part of what makes it hard is that most people, myself included, don't spend enough time with just their thoughts on a daily basis. Not just not talking, but just...having quiet. No computers, no cell phones, no...anything.

With this I am feeling more and more compelled to take a temporary vow of silence so that I can spend that time with my thoughts. It may sound extreme, and it's definitely nothing I can honestly say I want to do, but it's something that I think I may need to do. When I say temporary I mean for maybe 3 days or so. I'm thinking it may be better to go for a week, but I'm going to pray about it and see what God speaks to my heart. I need to work on getting another job while my other one reopens (we're changing locations) so I can't do anything too long term because I can't let it effect my job search. Right now I'm really being led to three days. Three days with no talking, no computer, no cell phones. I may have an hour or so everyday that I let myself have "off" so that I can spend time talking with PJ about anything and everything...like how much I love him...but that's about it :).

We'll see I guess...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
You all have a blessed day tomorrow :)

Thanking God for picking us back up.

The other night I woke up to the sound of my daughter crying. We're out of town visiting family so we were sleeping in the same bed...so I started looking for her. I quickly realized that the sounds I heard were coming from the floor next to the bed. I reached down and picked her up from where she had fallen onto the floor, held her close and laid her back in the bed. Then I handed her cup back to her and heard, "Thank you," followed by me handing her sock monkey back to her. I was met with another, "Thank you." It made me think a lot the next morning. That situation reminded me of the relationship that we all sometimes have with God. Sometimes, without any warning we find that we have fallen. The good thing is that God is always there to pick us back up and hold us close to him. After that he gives us back the things we were missing...faith and hope. The only problem is that many times we all forget the last part...saying Thank You.

Too many people only seem to give thanks on Thanksgiving Day. Are you one of those people? Take out time today (and every day) to thank God for all the blessings in your life. Spend time thinking in depth about things that may have been blessing in disguise, and even thank him for the hard times and for him helping you with courage to get through them. Every moment is a blessing, even the ones that hurt.